Love is a Two-Way Street

Online Dating

That inevitable give n' take lecture! You’ve heard it so often – I know you have! (I hope you have!) So why don’t most people practice it? You know…the giving and the taking? Most people seem to leave out the giving part. Love and relationships are two-way streets; one big rubber band. The give n’ take. The push n’ pull. The backward and the forward. It is true in all areas of the relationship, especially the consideration of each other’s feelings.

Question: How many people do you need to ride a teeter-totter? If you answered two, you are correct. In a relationship, like a teeter-totter….you need to have some bounce on both sides for it to work.

A female friend recently told me some wonderful news: She’s pregnant! I was so happy for her, but I also sensed that something was wrong. I asked, "What’s bothering you?"

"How do you know?" she said.
"We’ve known each other for a while now. I can tell. I can see it in your face."
"Well….when I told my husband I was pregnant he didn’t even crack a smile. He got all stressed out. I haven’t slept for three nights."
"And what did he say?"
"He told me he’d rather be dead than face this right now because of the financial commitment in raising a child. But I just know I’m supposed to have this child. I just know – "
"Wait! Stop right there." I said. "You are going to be fine. Everything is going to work out…and I am so happy for you."

Do you think her husband considered her feelings and emotions before he spoke? His statement crushed her. Do you think it even occurred to him to step outside of his own inner world and consider someone else’s? After all….who the hell is holding that baby? Not him! Sometimes I wish that certain men could give birth. Perhaps it would give them a needed dose of humility and empathy.

The reason many relationships lack reciprocity is because one or both mates are either too damn ignorant or too damn selfish or….too damn ignorant from being too damn selfish, to even conceive empathy. Love is not a selfish creature. It should never be. It is boundless and beautiful, and if it has the power to move a world, think of the power it has, when exercised through empathy, between two people. However, sometimes actions make it quite evident that for one of the mates, it wasn’t love at all….which moves us on, to the departments of gestures and kind acts….

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is naturally considerate and frequently surprises you with arbitrary gifts and affection or perhaps even helps you pay down your debts….and you do nothing in return, let me be the first to tell you that you’re an ass. Oops, I meant that with a capital "A": Ass. Another female friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. She is a kind soul who enjoys showing her affection in any way possible. Unfortunately, with her last boyfriend this included paying down his debts, which amounted to thousands of dollars. Do you think he appreciated her gesture and demonstration of loyalty and affection? If he did he sure had a strange way of showing it. He would often insult her and tell her she didn’t dress well; that she should wear shorter skirts and higher heels when they went out. He never bought her flowers – ever. Not even a card. He never offered to pay her back, but rather came to expect her to pay for everything. Just before she attained "sucker" status, she finally smartened up and broke up with him. His reply? "No one has ever broken up with me!" (Yes, I know. The expletives are flowing through my mind too!)

Taking advantage of people, especially your significant other, is not a noble signature trait; nor is it the sign of someone with any redeeming qualities. Love and relationships are two-way streets, and as I’ve said before, what you put into them you will surely get back. Don’t be an ass. Give something back. I dare you!