Longevity in Relationships

The Age of the Disposable Romance

Selfishness is marring relationships. The length of all relations, inclusive of marriage, is markedly shorter than they were just twenty years ago. It is common knowledge that half of marriages end in divorce. Many people now take a fast food approach to dating and marriage: Order quick, try it out, get full and let it go. When it comes to the livelihood and health of a civilization such as ours, this is not a good sign, for it nurtures insensitivity, lack of empathy and lack of sanctity for human life. It is the ME! ME! ME! sickness. It becomes one’s identity; one’s public malady....

Hello, I’m ME! ME! ME!

Hi. What do you want?

I don’t care, as long as it’s for ME! ME! ME!

How do you live?

In a way that only benefits ME! ME! ME!

What about everyone else?

Who? What about ME? ME? ME?

But I don’t understand you.

But I am all that matters.

Remember the book Brave New World by Aldous Huxley? If you haven’t read it, I urge you all to read it soon. It was written in the 1920’s, a futuristic story about our civilization. Huxley was astute and prescient enough to forecast virtual reality, which we are now seeing in its infancy. He also forecasted anti-depressants to escape existence and…..the erosion of monogamy. The world he wrote about is the world that is upon us now. The result? A world that was not very pleasant, cold and emotionless; and dare I say virtually loveless.

While disposable romances may be satisfying to those who possess a busy schedule, (which applies to most of us) it is not necessarily gratifying in terms of self-fulfillment. It leaves an emptiness in the soul, a void, a crater, like the impression in a bed or on a pillow that signified the presence of something that is no longer there – but of which you are forever reminded! Frivolity and carelessness in relations, after that juncture of perceived seriousness is reached, can oft be damaging to at least one person in the relationship. It is being careless with the heart of another, something that can instantly create bad karma. Thus, the major key here is communication. Those who only want a disposable relationship or one they can walk out on in five minutes, need to date ONLY those like-minded people. Right when you foresee the prospect of something more serious developing, you need to be up front about your expectations, schedule and wants in the relationship; be fair to your mate.

It is admirable and noble to work through difficulties. I am not advocating misery, but there are countless cases where one party simply gave up trying, or when adversity surfaced, they pulled out altogether, or a more appropriate phrase is “bailed out” – a sure sign of weakness. Remember, it is brave to love. It requires work. Getting to know someone thoroughly can be rewarding, comfortable, memorable. The alternative: What memories will you have at age fifty, with someone who has only known you for three years because you kept bouncing from one relationship to another all your life? Will they even know who you are? Who you were? Where you came from?

People often leave a relationship because they think there is something better out there….and they are often fooled. Remember, you are going from one human to another human.....are we really all that different? Granted, if there is abuse, excessive misery, mindful or psychological torture, infidelity or sudden and vast differences that cannot be bridged, ending the relationship and moving on is advised. Otherwise, assess what you may or may not be giving up. Re-consider all of your reasons. Ask yourself what you like about that person whom you are so close to leaving, and conversely, what you dislike. Of those dislikes, which can be fixed? What might you miss in the relationship you are in, should you leave? Assess yourself. What more can you give? Are you being fair? How much of a better partner could you be? And are your reasons for wanting to leave entirely selfish? Revolving around status, money and material goods?

Stop treating your relationships like disposable razors, lest the day come when you too are disposed of…..