Fumbling with the Zipper

Finesse in Dating

Umm…..let’s see…..tact, class, poise, manners, respect….finesse! Ah! You’re helping her take off her coat on that chilly, raw London day, as steam still furrows from your cold mouths inside the bustling café, her perfume lingers and rises and her smile is reminiscent of whatever Heaven might look like. She is impressed by your gallantry, and still impressed when, a moment later, you jerk the coat off her shoulders and she jerks with it, losing her balance, and she is then only mildly impressed and a tad annoyed when you pull the coat down, but her arms are still not out of it and now it appears you’ve put her in a damn straight jacket with her own coat, and it is now wrinkled for good measure! She finally turns to face you and exclaims, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Well I…."

"Just slide it off! I’m stuck!"

And now she’s embarrassed too, because her ring has gotten caught on a coat thread and she has become one with her beleaguered coat and the formerly fresh moment is now rotting away, along with the prospects of her ever wanting to see you again.

"I’ll do it myself!"

To which you better say, "Okay."

Not all women like overly-gentle men, but this isn’t about being gentle, it’s about having some finesse. Be smooth in your actions and reactions. Rehearse them in your mind or even in front of a mirror if you have to! Practice and anticipate various situations: What would you do if….When she asks you to pull down the zipper on the back of her dress…..don’t fumble it like a football on game day! Know what you’re doing, and if you don’t, at least act like you do….then go buy a good book on dexterity or sensitivity!

And ladies…..some men really, really, REALLY like their button-down shirts, freshly starched, with the scents of new cotton or linen and a crisp collar. You can wear them, but spill coffee on them, lose a button or use it as a dust cloth – you may NEVER wear his shirts again. And when you offer to straighten his tie or take some lint off of his collar, be sure your egg and cheese omelet or new red lipstick isn’t still on your fingers!

Yes, yes, I know…..other words are coming to your mind: clumsy, klutz, inconsiderate schmuck….that is why finesse is appropriate, or lack thereof; it’s the nicer way to describe such erroneous acts of bliss-less relations. When you plan a date…..or a day or night together, just plan it well! Be certain you know what is at stake and be certain to think before you act! (Thinking! Now there’s a novel idea!) It is true, first impressions really are everything. When someone asks your date, "What do you like about them?" referring to you, you don’t want them to respond, "Their absence!"#